pt-5 BREAKFAST, AND THE INMATES RUN THE ASYLUM

note: the following blog post will be split into 6 installments, of which this is the fifth, and each will be posted in roughly 2 day intervals beginning August 1st 2010. your comments are welcome below. As always, click the pictures to expand them if you like.

see the first installment here
see the second installment here
see the third installment here
see the fourth installment here


As it turns out our innkeeper John is not feeling well this morning, so we're on our own for breakfast. The wife is away in Georgia with family, so when he can't do it, there's no one to do it. It's OK for us, because - with strong encouragement from my 'satsang' - we're going to yoga class (my 2nd class ever, although I do it alone at home).

As a rule, I'm not a fan of looking stupid in public, which is a concern here.

When we return, Mike (AKA Donald Trump Jr., see previous post) wants us all to go out to breakfast together. Alecia and I are in our room rolling our eyes, trying to figure out how to get out of this torture, but Rosemary is already out there in the living room - in the line of fire, and it's getting set up.

So I snap: 'OK I'll do it -- but only on the condition that we take our car!' This is because the last thing I want is to get kidnapped by this guy all day - I'm not gettin' in his car!

As we are leaving Alecia suddenly says, "I'm going to walk". I get the feeling she thinks driving is stupid. She's right too - as a New Yorker and hopefully a good citizen of the planet, I would never drive to 14th street, but here I am driving 2 blocks - in freakin' Maui. Then as I'm getting in our car, Rosemary is not coming with me, but instead is getting in Trump Jr.'s car, so I'm left driving to the restaurant alone. That feels really stupid, but I push on. When exactly did I lose all influence?

Once at the restaurant, I get out and go in - and wait. 10 minutes later Alecia walks in and tells me she's learned they've gone to a different restaurant. It all feels really discombobulated, but it's sure OK with me!

You know those World War 2 movies where one guy jumps on the grenade to save the other's lives?…today that guy is named 'Rosemary'. When we saw her again at the inn, she had a story about Mike's political discussion, and how he had ticked off some of the local patrons of this place (being a loud talker and all).

In the meantime Alecia and I had a wonderful and calm breakfast, full of great conversation.

Thanks, Rosemary!

ITINERATES:
Back from breakfast, and someone has just shown up who wants a room. She's newly arrived from Italy and needs to stay somewhere and is really tired. I tell her to go up to the shopping center and ask around, but Mike/Trump Jr. wants to handle it. He gives her tea, sets her up on the couch, shows her stuff to read and what have you.

Well, John the innkeeper is in his little house in the back yard....

....and someone goes out to get him but can't wake him up. He really MUST be under the weather.

Rosemary and I decide we're going on a little excursion to pick up some t-shirts for my good friend Andy, and it turns out we're gone 3 1/2 hours. This is a bigger island than I thought!

We get home, and the woman is still waiting. I go in the room to get a shower, and a few minutes later, Alecia comes in the room and says, "something bad is happening. Two police cars are in the driveway".

So we're trying to figure out what's going on, but I don't want to actually go ask. After all these years removed from a checkered past, I'm still reticent about police. Less police the better I always say (although NY cops are usually dealing with real crime, or actually helping you in some way, so that mantra is only used outside of NYC).

Plus they'll want to take my name and ask questions -- what the hell, they'll find me if they need me.

"I think it may be a drug bust", says Alecia. I didn't notice a druggie quality from this guy, but whatever. I wasn't particularly paying attention. I'm clean.




Turns out someone had gone back out again to John's house, and he's still in the exact same position from before: DEAD.

Yes, the innkeeper - dead of a massive heart attack. In the middle of our idyllic Maui vacation. 58 years old. Talk about unexpected!

Didn't I see this in a Monty Python sketch?

OK, it is sad - I'll grant you. It's certainly awful for the wife, who I've never met or spoken to, but as far as John's concerned, he got off pretty easy, probably pretty quickly.

Plus, remember the wife's NOT here.

I've seen some long hard deaths - cancer, emphysema, you name it…my mother, my father, friends - so when you're walking around one minute and gone the next, that seems like a pretty good deal. I'll take it. In fact I'm free next Thursday if the grim reaper wants to schedule me.

Plus we'd only met John a couple of times.

Umm, so naturally this situation is primed for humorous quips and such, yes?

Let's face it: John would have wanted it that way.

CRISIS, WHAT CRISIS?
What was really interesting was to see how this little community reacted, pulled together and coped. Donald Trump Jr. is really bummed at first. I mean really bummed. He comes across as kind of a lout when you've just met him, but at this point he's sitting there slouched over, with his head in his hands in that distraught way, and people are patting him on the back ('there, there…he's in a better place'). Seriously? He knew John for - maybe - one more day than we did…..

Rosemary is a junior detective, logging all her incoming and outgoing calls, talking to the police, and generally in crisis solving mode. We're telling her, "Rosemary, it's not a crime scene - relax."

She's not relaxing.

Alecia and I, seeing the big picture here, think this whole scene - while tragic for the kin - also has humorous aspects and irony, and so we're making little innocent jokes, off to the side. The more intense everyone else gets, the funnier it is to us, and so the crescendo begins. Alecia works in a critical care area, and so while she is clearly very compassionate, she also has experienced enough of this and so is used to it. Plus by this time, we've gotten to know each other pretty well, so as I've come to realize, she's HILARIOUS.

This is a little dangerous...

At one point, trying to move it along and get to the dinner where we're expected, I say, "I'm hungry, I need to eat."

Alecia says, "yeah, we really need to get to the restaurant, we're late....
~long pause~
I'll tell ya' who doesn't need to eat…"

Can't write the timing of course, but every one she comes up with is better than the last. She's clearly building on a motif. Also, I'm stonefaced (as the 'mourners' are in hearing distance of me). She's thinking these aren't landing, so she keeps upping her game. At one point she asks to make sure she's not offending me.

Offending me? What I'm trying to do is not to let my laughter get out of control, especially since everyone else is so serious...

...so very reverent.

Again, of course, not laughing about the wife -- to reiterate though - she's not here.

NEW INNKEEPER:
Well, as time goes on, Mike (Trump Jr.) is taking over the booking and upkeep.

The first thing the next morning I come out of my room groggy, and a couple I've never seen is there standing with Mike right in front of our door -- he's showing them around. "Hi, how are you?" the new man pleasantly says to me. I grunt hello. Mike says in a cheery salesmanlike way: "Here's the Aloha room." "Out back here is the plantation grounds." "I think we can get you into this other room over here later today."

At what point do you just say, "the proprietor's gone to a better place, sorry but there's no room at the inn?"

Plus, I don't know exactly how it happened, but in a single day he evicts the Spanish guy, which - keep in mind - John was not able to do for some time, and has found a place for the Italian woman on a fold away bed in the front hallway. Mike is just a guest - and he's only been there for a day longer than we have.

Maybe he did do an impressive real estate deal...

Later we go to dinner with a few of the reunion folks, their numbers dwindling. Ram Dass, Krishna Das, of course the bride and groom and some others are there.

"Sorry we're late, but our innkeeper just dropped dead".

Thankfully, Saraswati saw the humor in it too. It's not just me…

The grounds in happier times, complete with deadbeat Spanish sunbather in background:

Next: The Yoga Class, and farewell to my Satsang

Pt-4 THE WEDDING, DINNER AND A MUSICAL HAIKU

note: the following blog post will be split into 6 installments, of which this is the fourth, and each will be posted in roughly 2 day intervals beginning August 1st 2010. your comments are welcome below. As always, click the pictures to expand them if you like.

see the first installment here
see the second installment here
see the third installment here





A bed and breakfast definitely can create an interesting microcosm of people and activity, and we're interfacing with all sorts of odd people, some amiable enough, some bordering on insufferable.

First there's Jane. She is an elderly woman from England that has come back to Maui from England to help take care of her daughter's baby. She has all the stereotypical English mannerisms: very polite, tells un-amusing anecdotes and then laughs at them quasi-nervously herself like they're quasi-funny. She generally has an uptight personna - straight out of "Upstairs, Downstairs".

Don't get me wrong - she's very nice - and perfectly pleasant to have breakfast with (which is when you see the people). It feels stiff though, so I have problems connecting with her, since I have my own stiffness problem when I don't know someone. I don't make much conversation, as my inner morning person is AWOL. Alecia gently engages her in the mornings, asking questions and showing interest in the answers.

Then there's a boarder (a little more long term, I get the feeling) who - if I recall correctly - is Spanish. Swarthy. Neck-down hirsute. The scuttlebutt is he hasn't paid recently and he won't leave. He sunbathes around the grassy grounds a lot (what - like you can't find a beach here?), and smokes as he walks around outside in his bathing suit. He nods and then quickly looks away without speaking when you see him. We rarely see him though.

Finally there's Mike. Mike is here from Los Angeles. He initially comes off - to Alecia and I at least - as a giant pain in the ass. He's gone on and on about some real estate deal he did, talks about his money successes and big screen TVs a little too much (not impressed, dude), and speaks disparagingly to me about a woman who he's here to see in Maui with other people present (in a way that I wouldn't do). Basically he strikes me a nebbish Donald Trump wannabee minus the comb-over.

It's hard to describe here, because it's really more about his tone than the actual content of his sentences. Trust me, he's an eye-roller. A groaner. We generally aren't enjoying his antics. I'm trying to steer clear of him entirely, but Rosemary has a way of engaging him, as she's nicer than I am. As she's speaking to him I'm thinking: "In the name of all that is holy and good...please don't ask him another question!" Oh well, we finally get done with him and after a quick visit to a nearby beach it's off to the wedding.

I was tipped off by Alecia that there was going to be a poster board (as it turns out the other side of the poster seen at right in the 'preparations' picture below) where we will be invited to make a haiku. We've been staying in Haiku Hawai'i, so it's called 'a Haiku in Haiku'. Going with my strengths, I sit down in the room right before we leave and compose a little musical haiku. I've honestly never heard of that before, but someone must have thought of it, right? Anyway, as a haiku I decide it is to be three measures long (for the 3 lines), and while I composed it in music notation software there in the room, I'll write it in hand on the paper at the event. For my method, I interpret syllables as beats. You could argue that rhythm (and not beats) should be syllables, but I won't be debating that point. It'd be way too short then! As it is, it only lasts maybe 15-20 seconds.

A Haiku is 7 plus 5 plus 7 right, right?? Piece done.

Here's my, uh, musical haiku (as it turns out, the first draft):


The idea (in my fantasy mind at least) is about 2 elements existing in harmony, but each with their own autonomy. I did this with the harmonic language, and the element of right vs. left hand. At the start, I made the melody (right hand) outline a C chord which is juxtaposed over a Bb major chord. Then when the left hand chord moves to a C harmony (2nd inversion - don't want to be too obvious now, do I?), the melody moves to a B natural, for a cross relation against the Bb chord. I try to be clever with that kind of stuff. The last chord is a real ring-y pan-diatonic D over /C maj as seen in the examples.

Yes - Blah, blah, blah…pretty chords. If you don't understand it by its description here don't worry, I play the haiku below for them in an embedded youtube video.

Arriving at Ram Dass's house, the preparations are beautifully laid out. There are rocks lining the path, and flowers flowing with the rocks.


A woman opens the ceremony by blowing a conch shell instrument and then singing a hawai'ian song, which traditionally is thought to clear the spirits. Then Gopal will recite a verse, Krishna Das will play a song, Alecia will recite a lovely poem she chose and then a man from India, KK, has a reading and will direct the couple to circle the bowl of incense 7 times while he directs them through some vows.

Ram Dass does beautifully, and even injects some humor from time to time (when Saraswati's response can't be quite heard at the "Do you take this man" part, he says enthusiastically with a smile - "She said YES!"). People giggle.

Every one else does well too:

Gopal's reading is wonderful, which he delivers with quiet intensity in a no-nonsense style (My favorite line: "May this marriage have a fair face and a good name, an omen as welcome as the moon in a clear blue sky." Ode 2667, Rumi).

Krisha Das plays a beautiful song "A Heart as Wide as the World". Even right now, 4 days later the melody flows gently through my head when I'm in silence. It has a little picardy third cadence in there (for some of you music geeks), that never gets old even though it comes again and again.

Alecia's poem, which she recites from memory, is also marvelous and touching - I happen to know she worked on it hard (an excerpt: "There are days we live as if death were nowhere in the background; from joy to joy to joy, from wing to wing, from blossom to blossom to impossible blossom, to sweet impossible blossom. " 'From Blossoms' - Li-Young Lee).

Should I have brought tissues?

The 7 circles ritual caps it off nicely. Wonderfully evocative.




Ram Dass at the ready:


Cousin Ronnie walks the bride down the aisle:


The happy bride during 7 circles:


The first kiss as husband and wife:


Dear friends share a heartfelt moment:



After the ceremony we head to a lovely restaurant called 5 Palms which is on the beach to see the sunset and then have dinner. But on the way in the car, I'm told that a haiku is actually 5 plus 7 plus 5.

CRAP.

I'm a little freaked out (seriously, like anyone's gonna know?…). Still, when I get to the restaurant, I take out my laptop and start revising furiously, sitting on the beach while the sun is setting. Krishna Das walks by as I'm working, and seeing me on a laptop he says, "writing a letter?" When he sees it's music though, he's intensely interested. How cool is that? Well, I guess a score is, after all, a visually beautiful thing.

2nd and final draft:

Ultimately, I'm happy with this because I think the second effort is better. Unfortunately, when I finish in about 5 minutes - by that time everyone is seated. Even worse, I also went and did the piece in hand first before sitting, since I needed room on the paper. Now I've got no place to sit…except the kids table - the REAL kids table.

Yay! I see a place at the bride and groom's table - too good to be true, I start to walk over...someone sits down…wait there's an empty…nope…how about…

It's high school all over again! Actually, I had a little more luck with this in high school on the first day, but that's another story for another time…

Well, I finally found a seat and it was fine, but again I'm a little uncomfortable. I sat with a group that were all living on Maui - locals you could say. Once I got over my initial nervousness I was OK. Very nice people. Still, I couldn't hear what some of them were saying all that well though, so I found myself just nodding and smiling a lot. I wish I could blame it on dialect...Is my hearing on its last legs as well?

It's at this moment that the exact low point of the trip comes for me. I'm sitting here with my folded-up body language, nervous, not knowing what to say. Saraswati and Raghu pass by, saying their hellos to all, and mention that their friend is going to serenade them with her guitar, and if anyone else would like to play…

OPPORTUNITY! Deep down, I know I could create a magical moment, really give Saraswati and Raghu a serious present. I know it, but do I believe it? Also - let's face it - it could also be my instant ticket out of nowhere-land. This was the instant 'get-out-of-beating-free' card when I was 12. The friend gets up. There's two false starts, which she blames on the surf/noise distractions. I can't think straight. I'm not paying attention.

I start to think about a couple of songs I could do. I'd have to sing - too noisey in this environment for solo guitar. Hmmm. The first song that comes to mind is "Little Wing". Perfect description of Saraswati. Yet it's a little high for me, but only about a half step. "What if my voice cracks?", I think. "Is there a guitar pick? I could tune the guitar down"…but I'll need it at concert pitch for the second thing I think of (an obscure but quaint little Duane Allman song called "Please Be With Me…"). "It's low, could I make myself heard?"

"I haven't practiced singing in weeks!"

I'm frozen, completely up in my head watching this moment pass by in slow motion like a car crash - and then the opportunity dissipates without being seized…people start eating - some wander about…the moment is lost…

Forever……shit.

Shyness. I don't wish it on you. In the end, the friend's false starts (which to me - the music professional - should be the only viable justification for the continued administration of capital punishment) were nothing worse than charming to the attendees of this gathering. There's something to be learned from that.

Later, I confide in Alecia about it. She's kind and supportive to me, but inside I remain pretty pissed at myself despite her kindness. If there's in good news in this matter it's that the confiding itself is a small victory, as is mentioning it here.

This was so easy for me when I was 12 years old...what happened? Lack of threats of physical violence? They oughta have an emergency room with nothing but therapists in it. I could've been hauled in on a stretcher at that point.

PAGING: DR. PHIL...

Not long after though, one of the highlights of my trip comes at the end of the dinner. I have a good talk about music, and life, with KD. For someone who has such a following, he is quite kind, full of humility, and generous and respectful to me. I tell him about my projects, and we end by promising to be in contact and possibly work together. My heart fills a bit.

.....the universe taketh away, and the universe giveth.....I guess....



At the wedding with KD before heading off to the restaurant:


…and here is the final version of the haiku, which I recorded in this video for Saraswati and Raghu once I returned to NYC:


Next: BREAKFAST, AND THE INMATES RUN THE ASYLUM

PART 3-SWIMMING WITH GURUS…AND A REHEARSAL...

note: the following blog post will be split into 6 installments, of which this is the third, and each will be posted in roughly 2 day intervals beginning August 1st 2010. your comments are welcome below. As always, click the pictures to expand them if you like.

see the first installment here
see the second installment here

Monday begins with a swim with Ram Dass.

We take a long drive over to another part of the Island, and then get to the beach where we'll be swimming. Ram Dass had a severe stoke in - I think - 1997, and so he's confined to use of a wheelchair. He can however, swim. He uses a life preserver, and gets around pretty well in the water. This is the first time I'll be seeing him.

All sorts of devotees and followers are there to join us, maybe 40 in all, and he has a few assistants who cheerfully and unselfishly help him along (not just today, but in all endeavors). Photographers - with professional looking equipment - are on the scene photographing everything. Here he comes down to the beach in what looks like a kind of recumbent bike, made out of plastic:



Group shot -- Ram Dass is sitting on the bike:



As we go for the swim, people are throwing flowers into the water around him. I understand this takes place at every swim. At this point I have nothing much to say to him, so I don't interact.

I mean, what am I gonna say anyway?

"What's with that airline food?"
"Uh...Did you see Letterman had stupid pet tricks last night"?
"I hear Brittany Spears is working on a new album...!"


I guess I'll keep workin' on it....

There are people throwing around what looks like a lemon (forgot what it's called) like a ball, but they never pass to me. Boy, this feels like grade school all over again! The only difference is now I realize how unhelpful my ego trip is…who cares if they don't throw it to me, as long as I don't? I don't even know what the thing's called for cryin' out loud...

OK, maybe I do feel a tad neglected.

I tag along with the group, but it's hard to fit in. Ram Dass does look at me a couple of times and we exchange smiles. We get to a ball in the water tethered to the seabed for navigational purposes, and when we reach the marker he excitedly exclaims "Oh Buoy! Oh Buoy!", about 5 or 6 times. I'm later told affectionally by Saraswati that he makes that joke every week. Hmm.

He swims every Monday it seems, although today's contingent is a little bigger than usual. Their names are Ravi Das, Balaram - names like that...hard to remember names. A man with a friendly face gives me some sunscreen. He looks like he should be named 'Fred', but his name is 'Gopal'. I would later find out he's an attorney. Some of these folks answer to no other names, and some are called by English language names in their normal lives. Balaram, for example, is also Peter. There are lawyers, photographers, producers - it runs the gamut of professions. All are likable on first meeting. They share a kind of personal depth, it seems.

Many of them also speak with regular regional accents, and have mannerisms from their places of origin (like Long Island for example). It's pretty funny and kind of endearing to learn this.

As we're leaving the beach, Alecia and I are to go pick up our third occupant of 'Cannery Row" at the airport. The group however, is going to lunch, so I just encourage her to go along with them. I'm impressed by how she kind of wants to accompany me to the airport for moral support, but with some convincing I get her to go along with the lunch crowd. Afterwards I hear it was great. I go to the airport to pick up Rosemary.

Rosemary reminds me a lot of my sister (albeit with - let's call it - a new age twist). She's about the same age, and is a very nice woman with numerous stories of her life's experiences and is an artist. She paints with a giant brush. She's also a teacher, and has lots of experience with things like face reading. She tells me that I have issues with my mother (OK, got one), diagnosed by a crease in the skin between my eyebrows, and that the creases near my earlobes indicate that I have a good "bullshit detector". I think that's right too (about the detector, I'll have to take her word about the creases). She tells me I should write a letter to my mom (mom's passed) and then I'll be in a relationship. I might try that…

Rosemary talking to the groom in Ram Dass' great room, the day of rehearsal:


Well, Alecia is a force, and when she got up earlier that morning she went into action, telling the innkeeper - John - that we need to rearrange our room so that we can accommodate this new person. She has so much energy when she tells me her plan. I love it!...and Alecia's ideas about rearranging do make more sense, but John - seeing more work for himself - cops out quickly, and tells us that we can use the empty adjacent room free of charge. So Rosemary sets up in there and we head out to the rehearsal.

This is good.

The wedding is to be held at Ram Dass's house, and we are a group of a select few who Saraswati has invited to come to the rehearsal. Ram Dass is asleep when we arrive (his condition is challenging), and Saraswati encourages his helpers to let him sleep, but soon he appears, determined to be a part of as much as he can. We're out in the backyard when suddenly the chair lift makes a loud mechanical sound and he descends from the upstairs. I'm slightly amused as I notice it feels a little like "The Wizard of Oz" to me, when the wizard is behind the curtain. Helpers run over to receive him and help him navigate to the spot where he will sit. He will be performing the ceremony, and he wrote a lot of the text, and wants to make sure it's done well.

This man is impressive! As challenging as his body situation is, his soul is radiating out like some sort of supersonic prism. His smile has a ferocity to it, and at the same time a softness and compassion which is hard to describe. His countenance radiates a joyful quality, and he laughs easily as they basically 'mark' the ceremony (in other words, go though it nonchalantly for blocking). It's easy to see why people find him so compelling. At the same time he's clearly tired. He soldiers on. At one point our eyes meet, and he seems to be a little surprised to see me there in what is basically the inner circle. I smile at him and he smiles back.

If you don't click another picture, click this one (then click again to expand completely - check the look on his and Saraswati's faces):



The spot where the ceremony would take place is on a hillside by the sea, with lovely views of the ocean. Idyllic:



I'm surprised to find that Krishna Das, who as I mentioned is the rock star of the group (from a musician perspective that is) is going to be singing at Saraswati's wedding! How lovely. This really is a happening - thank God I came! As I said in an earlier post, I had a feeling that this would be a very, very special event. KD and I have a nice little chat, which puts me more at ease. I've been feeling a little intimidated by him whenever I encounter him. I think he might be trying to help me with that.



The remaining part of the evening we go to the rehearsal dinner, which was at a pizza joint called "Flatbreads". Man, keeping my simple carbohydrate intake down has proved challenging! Alecia, Rosemary and I sit at the 'kid's table'. The inner circle is all at the other one. Occasionally, someone comes over to talk to us. We're definitely integrating in fits and starts here.

Grown up table:


'Kid's' table (with a couple of visiting grown ups in background):


...sigh…
fits and starts...


Next: THE WEDDING, DINNER AND A MUSICAL HAIKU

PART 2 - A NEW FRIENDSHIP….AND KIRTAN

A NEW FRIENDSHIP….AND KIRTAN

note: the following blog post will be split into 6 installments, of which this is the second, and each will be posted in roughly 2 day intervals beginning August 1st 2010. your comments are welcome below. As always, click the pictures to expand them if you like.

see the first installment here

How do you solve a problem like Saraswati? (apologies to Oscar and Hammerstein)

Yeah, it's more like, how do you afford a trip to Maui?

Saraswati had put several of her friends in touch to see if we could work out an arrangement for keeping lodging costs down. As it turned out, Alecia and I were going to be arriving at the airport in Maui within minutes of each other.

Alecia and I had a conversation on the phone the night before I left, and I already knew I was going to like her. She has a kind pleasant way and a thoughtful skillful communication. I like the way her voice goes up at the end of sentences, and the smooth lyrical quality of it. I'm very sound oriented, so voices are important to me, I can't deal with an uncomfortable voice. Thank goodness, you can never tell through email.

Landing in Maui:


Arrival: Saturday July 24th
We make a plan to meet at the rental car place in the Maui airport. When I arrive at 7 PM I set up the car, and she arrives shortly after. It was instantly clear (at least to me) that we'd be spending a lot of time together, and so we agreed we'd leave the driving to me (I LOVE to drive), and save the additional driver charge.

Setting off to the inn, we found a sort of a bar/pub to have some food, and got a great coconut beer along with it. Both being friends of Saraswati, the conversation proceeds with easy camaraderie. We were quickly seeing how quirky the island's inhabitants are. Being from New York, I'm not used to seeing people lock eye contact with you when you briefly glance at them, but here that's what was happening. In Virginia, I would have considered this a redneck bar, but I don't know what you call it in Maui.

AT THE INN:

My new BFF:


We're in tight quarters as expected, in what Alecia dubbed "our own little cannery row", but it's nice. The plan is that it's eventually going to be 3 of us in a single 150 square foot room. I had long ago decided that any friend of Saraswati's is a friend of mine, but this is already surpassing all positive expectations. I had limited idea of the scope of the wedding before coming - and no knowledge that the 'Be Here Now' reunion was a part of this - but as we talk about the upcoming proceedings (Alecia knows far more than I), we both agree that we're the outsiders, and we are starting to see that we're going to be closing ranks together.

The digs:


The first public event is a Kirtan Sunday night with Krishna Das at Studio Maui. I'm excited about that!



Sunday daytime is spent on the Hana highway. We slowly putt down this narrow windy road, stopping to take in some painted trees,

and a black sand beach,

and at other places being thwarted by onerous keep out signs.


Alas, we wouldn't make it all the way down the highway, but it was a lot of fun, and we turn around in order to get back to take a shower and then to the Kirtan.

KIRTAN:
If you don't know, Kirtan is a form of responsoral singing/chanting, and Krishna Das is arguably it's most famous practitioner, certainly so in this country. He was also one of the folks who was with the Maharaj-ji in India and is here for the reunion. I'm excited to see Krishna Das - to me, he's a bit of a rock star. His voice is a sort of Bass/Baritone, and it's one of those voices that instantly transports you. The music is very simple, humble really. He plays a harmonium as his accompanying instrument, and he also has a drummer, a tabla I think. I have some of his CDs, and have seen him a couple of times before in NY. There he's usually with a bigger group.

Alecia and I grab some dinner at a little place in the shopping center next to the venue, and when we call Saraswati just to let her know we're on our way, she shows up immediately. Saraswati couldn't be more bubbly, in fact, she's always been vivacious, but now she's more so than ever. This is the first time we've seen her since we arrived. The banter comes back as quickly as if no time had passed, and soon we're all giggles as we head into the venue.

Inside, it's a kind of Woodstock vibe, and I like it! For some reason, these folks know how to wear their tattoos, and sarongs, and all sorts of neat jewelry and hair styles. Self expressed individuals, I guess. Maui works well for this.

KD doesn't disappoint and his set takes us through many moods with effortless grace. I am sitting right behind Ram Dass, but there is no discussion amongst us. I can't see the stage, but it's OK. The audience is really entertaining, they are completely into it, singing alone and moving - sort of seated dancing really. The seating is cushions on the floor. Saraswati offers me her seat, presumably to take my seat next to Alecia for some catching up. I try to sing along, but I become mildly disgusted with myself because I keep getting the phrases wrong. In my defense. I think other people are too. They're kind of long phrases, maybe you have to be familiar with them.....I'm a perfectionist when it comes to me and music. Not a good combo for this scene! So I shut up and take it in. Plus, I'm just SO TIRED, after all, it's 4 AM in NYC, and my travel time was about 18 hours, with 2 changes of plane.

At the end I swing in really quickly to say thanks, as I'm really tired with the time change, and so I just speak to him for a second.

Nervously, I interrupt a conversation in progress: "Do you remember me?" I stammer.

KD: "Uh, I think so...where do I know you from?"

"New York."

KD: (pauses, looking surprised) "Really?" (he's from NY as well, which I already knew.)

He's very kind to me, as we exchange some more small talk, which is great because I'm so intimidated in this moment I need all the help I can get. I gotta get out of here before I pass out!

I tell him, "I'll see you tomorrow at the swim…."

Next: Swimming with Gurus

PART 1 - HEARTBREAK ON MAUI….

note: the following blog post will be split into 6 installments and each will be posted in roughly 2 day intervals beginning August 1st 2010. your comments are welcome below.

HEARTBREAK ON MAUI….

post date: Aug 1, 2010

I had my heart broken on Maui.

Broken open.

The story starts with a wedding invitation. Suspiciously, the invitation only went out about a month before the event. Amongst other things, because of that I sensed something special must be up...you could say I was suspicious it might be auspicious.

IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY:
Backing up a bit, 30 years ago today (August 1st 1980 - still have the receipt) I bought a book - on a lark, really - from the Carriage House bookstore in Richmond Virginia. That same copy of the book has been on my coffee table almost continuously in the 30 years since. At the time I understood little about what the content was, but I knew it was about Eastern spirituality, and the middle of the book was filled with really cool psychedelic illustrations. Since that time, my understanding has grown, and it has been a resource to return to for inspiration and guidance about the tenets of one of the oldest spiritual systems on the planet.

That publication was written 40 years ago by a man named Baba Ram Dass, pictured here at home on July 26th 2010 at the wedding rehearsal:
Ram Dass had been a professor called Richard Alpert at Harvard, and had various research grants with prestigious institutions like Yale and Stanford. He was at the top of his field. In the early 60's, he met and worked with Timothy Leary, and Aldous Huxley and started experimenting with various psychotropic substances, especially as a way of elevating consciousness and spirituality. He was also heavily influenced by ideas of eastern spirituality, and in 1967, disillusioned by his life as it was, he left and traveled to India. He lived in the tutelage of the Maharaj-ji, a spiritual leader in India, who passed away in 1973. He spent a number of years there, and there he took the name Baba Ram Dass.

The book he wrote, "Remember: Be Here Now", is considered a classic of eastern spiritual thought. As I sit in the Maui airport typing this, I have that very same copy purchased in 1980 in my carry on luggage, my cover is below:



A number of people who were in that place along with Ram Dass in India during that time period with the Maharaj-ji some 40 plus years ago were in Maui this week for a 40 year reunion of the book's publishing. Ram Dass himself, who is now 79 years old, lives on Maui now, and hosted this event at his home.

AND THE BRIDE:
I have had a friend since high school originally named Robin Eisen. (Hiking with her on Maui earlier this week):

Robin has grown and flowered in ways that astound me constantly. She is also stunningly beautiful in the physical sense (as well as the inner sense), and the years have been kind to her in both aspects. Also, I am a friend of her family's, as well as of her. Her brother Danny and I have been friends for over 30 years also, and saw each other daily from our college days in the early '80's until he left New York for San Diego in the mid '90's. In the late '80's, I escaped New York under despair of a failing relationship and stayed with Robin's mother for over a week, and she consoled me and provided me companionship and solace while I built shelves in her new apartment. I mention that because I can't imagine staying with anybody else's mother like that. The entire family are special, full of good energy and positive vibes. Some of the best people I've ever known, or can even imagine knowing.

Robin has been on a spiritual path in this lineage that Ram Dass represents for some time. In fact, several years ago, she traveled to the same place in India as Ram Dass and his group, and was given the name 'Saraswati' by an heir of the Maharaj-ji's. With respect, I will refer to her in these posts as 'Saraswati' from here on out. Saraswati has also been deepening her relationship with her partner Raghu, and they decided to marry. Raghu was one of those people staying in India when Ram Dass was there, and is good friends with him, and takes a part in running the affairs of the good works their foundation does. I was deeply honored to be invited to Maui to share in their ceremony, and to share in their Satsang (community), for the 6 days that I was there.

note: Some of the above historical facts may be a little inaccurate, especially dates - it's basically the story as I understand it. I urge you to seek out other sources for better info, this is just for background.

UH-OH!
When I first got the invitation, I was finding all sort of fear coming up. For example, did Saraswati really want me there? How would I (unworthy me) interact with these amazing people? What about the money, and logistics? What about emotional equilibrium (like ego)? I talked to a trusted advisor, I ran it by my friends, and in the end, decided to take the leap. This was to be a pilgrimage for me, and I sensed it could be a turning point in my emotional life.

That was the biggest fear of all. All of those emotional layers are so tightly coiled and wrapped - trying to keep it together. Life for some of us is a fight to keep it together isn't it? Tight. as. possible - avoiding the dance so you don't look silly, avoiding your tears so you don't look stupid. We can't let others see these things, or they find out you're silly, or a whimp, or unwanted, whatever.

What would it be like to give all that up?

I ran it by Saraswati in an email…you really want me there? She wrote me back: "You are just so funny! I would love for you to be there. You are someone who has threaded through my entire life in a very unexpected and sweet and meaningful way."

OK. I guess that's not the problem?

In the early morning of July 24th as I I stepped on the plane at Newark airport, all those fears were very much in the backseat, and a sense of adventure was the primary feeling. Like a parcel put in the mail…it's out of my hands now……

…and I was about to have my heart broken…

next: A NEW FRIENDSHIP

Mentors (part 1)....

Not long ago a friend and I were talking about American Idol:

I will reveal with trepidation that I have watched on and off during the show's run. What appeals to me about it is not the music but the human drama. They put these people, who are basically green - sometimes totally so - through a horrendous hazing. I'm sure these newbees are working exhausting non-stop 12 hour days, trying to wring out as good as possible a presentation in the short time they have. Then they are put through a harrowing gauntlet as they are critiqued on live television after basically baring all - singing in a situation with virtually no safety net. It's brutal.

How do they even handle it? When I'm slightly behind on a work deadline my heart starts pounding like I'm going to go into cardiac arrest!

One can certainly argue vociferously against certain aspects of the show, and I would join you happily in that viewpoint. For example, imagine a young Bob Dylan, or Jimi Hendrix, or Patti Smith, or David Byrne, or John Lennon trying out for Simon Cowell? The artistry that those people created would be totally lost on him. So the show's viewpoint is very narrow -- painfully, painfully narrow.

And that brings me to the point of this...

Watch out for what your mentors say. It's not the truth:


You read that right - it's not the truth. Think about that for a minute...

The other night as I was doing some sidework in the studio, I had a show on the TV in the background called "American Idol Rewind". That's where they rehash the trajectory of the show's events from a previous season. I usually hate the rehashes, but I was struck by this particular show. It was devoted to a contestant named Chris Daughtry, who was eliminated in a previous season in the 4th spot, but who has gone on to a very successful career (more successful than some winners). In my opinion, he's one of the more authentic performers to have come from the show.

To start off with, Simon voted thumbs down at his audition, saying he could hear his singing in any two-bit bar in the country (paraphrasing). In my opinion that's hubris, pure and simple. It wasn't because it was in any way cringworthy, he just didn't like it because of the bee in his bonnet, which was masquerading as the "truth".

All along the way - condensed in the rewind show - Simon had similar kinds of comments about Daughtry.

It started dawning on me that the narrative that exists out there about Cowell "telling the truth" is incorrect. Simon Cowell is decidedly UN-shy in giving his opinion, but his opinion should NOT be construed as the truth.

In fact, looking back on this particular case, I perceived Cowell spoiled snob who's unable to recognize another reality might simultaneously exist. Yes, Simon's been able to have success guiding people's careers, and that's an admirable accomplishment, but it's an act of creation, not reduction. Put another way, there's not right, and there's not wrong. It's all possibility. Maybe his 'make or break' credentials in the industry lead him to believe he's looking through some special "truth lens", but what he's really doing is deciding on a personal preference and then mobilizing to make that possibility (one of many) a reality.

My guess is one of two things - 1) that he's not emotionally awake enough to have that distinction...either that - or 2) he's an actor playing a very piss-y part.

Enough said, I don't mean to pick on him for not being a spiritual guru. I'm no Bodhisattva myself.

But what I mean to say is this: Be very, very careful when you listen to those voices that tell you you're not doing it right, or that you're not good enough - even from high places. Learn to recognize when the harsh voices in your head are yours (hint: if they're overly harsh that's unlikely) or someone else's. Also watch as to whether they resonate truthfulness, or instead prey on insecurity.

Here is a key distinction taught to me by a kind and mindful spiritual teacher I know: If you find yourself internally judging yourself rudely or harshly, it's not your voice doing the talking.....it's the voice of others - strangers, friends or family - who have judged you unkindly in the past. In fact, if you think hard enough, you can usually identify the speaker (as in, my mother used to say "x", my high school teacher told me "y".).

Although it may be sometimes hard to believe, you love yourself unconditionally.

Here's the kicker: those voices are not going anywhere - and don't expect that they will. Sometimes they will be made manifest in your head, by people on the periphery, or by people actually in your life, and they will undoubtedly litter your path throughout your journey.

But if you play your cards right, and work to keep them in perspective, they will be a small residual refuse of something great that you create....

Ego and "the watcher"......

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of 'ego' as it relates to myself, and how my ego can hold me back....

Now if you're thinking to yourselves that you never thought of Reed as a person with an enormous ego, I can say that until recently I would have agreed.

Many of us think of persons with a big ego as generally being rude, or angry, or overly demonstrative, or having difficult personalities, but I've recently come to the realization - both through my own experiences and the wisdom of friends - that ego also has a flip side. Ego can cause one to be passive as well. Ego can be the enemy of self expression. If that expression manifests in making a contribution, then it can actually prevent you from giving of yourself. It holds you back from writing your music, reaching out to your friend...expressing yourself.

This ties into the buddhist concept of 'the watcher'.

In all of us, there is an ability for self awareness outside ourselves. We can stand outside of ourselves - almost as if we were watching a play or TV show - and judge our performance. Often harshly. On the positive side, this is what keeps us safe in certain circumstances when we choose to not act on an impulse. On the negative side though, the watcher is also prone to be judgmental. Unfortunately, this can severely limit our ability to acheive peak performance. A simple example: imagine if you were to think about every little motion with analytical focus and judgement as you were driving your car...some things are best done in automatic mode.

Ever tried to sing or play a musical instrument while simultaneously thinking to yourself "that note as flat", "that phrase dragged", "I wish I was better" or even "I suck"? It's not helpful! I know that situation all too well.

I experience my lovely little dog Tito as a case study in minimizing the role of the watcher. When he sees someone he likes, he whines embarrassingly, he approaches with no compunction, and he demonstrates affection fiercely. I am often moderately embarrassed, and in revealing that, I'm often made aware that the person who's the object of Tito's affection doesn't understand or connect with what I'm saying. "Why would you be embarrassed?"

In my own personal life, I am far more likely to be aloof - to pretend to be nonplussed. This is the action of my ego. I have to pretend that I don't care to avoid embarrassment.

The ego is not to be confused with 'the self'. Ever caught yourself not laughing because you feared someone's (or your own internal) judgement? Ever wanted to call someone and didn't do it because you thought they'd be bothered? Ever wanted to dance but not allowed yourself -- to sing? What you were doing was letting your ego take charge of the self. Sometimes the ego doesn't like it when the creature it inhabits is self-expressed. The self threatens the survival of the ego. The ego lives in fear.

For me, my fear of embarrassment is sadly almost pathological. I'm sure a lot of people have a similar experience. That's my ego doing the fearing.

Here's a trick, realize that often 'the watcher' is the voice of other people - bullies, critics, unhappy people (or people manifesting their unhappiness in your direction) - that is present in your memory. For example an abusive parent could be the voice you're hearing, the unhappy ex-spouse, people from childhood, old teachers...whoever.

The self unconditionally loves you. The ego judges you.

I was recently reminded of Oblique Strategies, which were first released as a set of 'playing' cards by musician Brian Eno and artist Peter Schimdt as an aid for productivity in their art. Each card has a single sentence or phrase on it that is there to jog your mind somehow. Example: "Is there something missing?".

There is a card in there that says "what wouldn't you do?". That's my favorite one.

That's my task, think of what that is and then do it, regardless of the discomfort.

-- what wouldn't I do?


on the net:
forum for hindu awakening
Spiritual Research Foundation
oblique strategies Wiki